i'm making a new xanga because this one isn't really safe anymore.
all of the posts are going to be private to only people i'm subscribed to... once i figure out how to do that.
i'm not scared of people. i just don't want any bullshit to happen because people don't approve of what i'm doing. family members, in particular, who get things PRINTED OUT and such.
plus, i'm sick of hearing victoria go "as i slowly fade" in that stupid little voice she does when she's mocking people anymore.
i figure, new life, new screen name... new xanga.
if you want it, IM me. this one's going to be very well protected.

i don't know how much more of this eating-me-alive business i can take from these fucking fleas. despite my best efforts, they don't seem to want to fucking die. it was okay in the beginning, but i think it's gotten to a point where my legs are covered in scabs and my arms are covered in them also, and there isn't a single moment where SOMETHING somewhere on me isn't itchy. i'd like to be able to walk through my room without the fucking things crawling all over me. i'm really getting to the point where i'm going insane. anything that touches me, rubs against me, or remotely brushes my skin makes me search my body for the fucking parasites. i don't care if this is gross. i'm already pretty disgusted with it myself. i'm not expecting sympathy. this post is pretty much a warning that i'll probably end up snapping soon if these things aren't fucking destroyed.

goodnight.

finally...

it's funny to think how one choice can change your life.
if i had just not gone to phil's today, or not answered my phone, i probably wouldn't be sitting here right now.
since i'm a strong believer in fate, i'm not gonna get mad at how things happened. i guess patience will have to be a virtue i'll need to learn over the next few months.
so, phil's mom told my aunt i had my liscence. my aunt, of course, knew that wasn't true, and called my mother telling her that i'd taken the car out.
oh, it gets worse. my aunt called my grandma and told her, and my grandma told her to call uncle jimmy. of course, my aunt's husband is involved, so my mom calls me saying my aunt knew i drove, and that i needed to come home. a little while later she called again, telling me that aunt beth, uncle george, and uncle jimmy were driving around looking for me. mhm. yeah, that's when i get mad. where does aunt beth get off thinking she can step into my life just to punish me for things?
i was talking to my uncle jimmy about it, and i just don't see how it works. yes, my aunt beth took me in for about a year, and provided for me. i appreciate that, but that's in the past. you don't do good favors, especially for family, to hold them over the persons head. she helped me. i'm grateful. that phase of my life has ended, and she isn't my authority or provider anymore. granted, my mom may not be able to handle me at all, she should still let my mom at least TRY before intervening. luckily, i only had to see uncle jimmy, whom will actually talk calmy to me because he'll give himself a chance to see where i'm coming from.
all in all, i can't take the car anymore. whether it be for until this dies down or until i get my liscence. so my mom's gonna turn into mr. taxi again. sucks, kinda.... lots.
plus, tonight ali was actually going to try to be a good guy. he'd called me earlier telling me to come over with marc, and whoever else i was with [provided he likes them] because he wanted to show me something. when i told him what went down, i asked him what he was gonna show me. it was a kiss. he purposefully asked me to bring people over so he could kiss me in front of them... and it couldn't happen because i answered the phone at 11:35 in the morning.
like i said though... fate. maybe this means i wasn't meant to give ali a second chance. maybe it means i need more time. i guess i'll just see how the rest of the cards fall.
all in all... it was good while it lasted. suffice to say, i had to best summer of my entire fucking life, and i experienced things that have made me an all around better person. i'm thankful, and that's all i can really be.
goodnight.